The World of Lucky

I was looking out the window tonight and was feeling a little maudlin, maybe even a little anxious. I didn’t understand why I was feeling that (well besides just getting back from training for two weeks and still working out the losses of last year). That is when I realized today is February first and it got me thinking about things, especially about dates.

Dates are a funny thing. I don’t mean holidays like Christmas, or dates like a person’s birthday, wedding or some other special occasion. I mean specific days of the month.

For me the first of the month has always been an important day. True, it is important to others so they can pay their rent, or to mark the passing of a new month, but for me, for so much of my life, it meant more than that.

Unless you grew up in absolute poverty like me you wouldn’t really understand. When your family’s entire ability to eat, sleep and have electricity rely on a specific date that the check would come, you developed coping habits. The 1st was something all the poor families around us sort of focused our attention on it. It was something to look forward to, almost some sort to "savior". It was a time when things would be ok for a short while.

I remember growing up and being hungry at the end of the month. Watching my parents not eat for a week at a time and our electricity had been shut off, hoping for the check to come. Things were extreme enough that I had stretch marks on my abdomen because I gained and lost weight so much that lasted for years after I moved out. When Wolsey first dated me he would run his fingers along them, I think they bothered him.

The money showing up would be like a godsend, and for a few days at least you would eat food, the lights would be on and maybe you could go to a store.

It was also a time of anxiety. My parents were heavy alcoholics and the first of the month meant they would drink, which brought its own issues. I was fortunate, they would try to quit for weeks or months at a time, but alcoholism is very difficult and it would return. While I would hope for the first to come quickly, I also dreaded it.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t had stretch marks for a long time. I have eaten fairly well, even when Wolsey and I were poor. The only time we had a repeat of this was when Wolsey and I were going to school and we would wait for our quarterly student loans, then divide that money up and budget for the next three months.

However, even for the last twenty years the first of the month still had a big meaning. My parents never got better financially on their own, by the time they had sobered up their bodies were too broken to work. We were able to step in and help, but I watched every month as they tried to keep things going with not enough social security and food stamps (no family of two can get by on $850 a month between the two, especially when rent itself was $675).

This meant Wolsey and I would help out at the end of the month. We went out of our way to not ever get paid back. We didn’t mind helping them, and the last thing we would want to do is make it harder for them by having them pay us on the first. But even up until last July, the 1st of the month carried a lot of meaning for my family, and in turn for me.

It has been weird the last six months since Mom passed. We have been able to focus on our own bills and for the first time ever in our relationship we didn’t have to consider my parents and how long until they got their check on the first. I know we are better off financially and worry wise now that we aren’t helping support them, but I still can’t stop from being maudlin occasionally, and even now, the first of the month is still an important date.

This week has been fairly stressful. Well to be honest the whole summer has, with the amount of travel and lack of relaxation has meant my summer went by for the most part without me realizing it. I am lucky now, I am working in Arlington so its only a 30 minute ride each direction. The audit there is going well, we finally had our brainstorm on Thursday and we also had the County exit on Thursday.

Also as a side note, I applied at the Health District as a Financial Systems Accountant. Basically its the person second in charge of the finance department for the Health District. The good points is the job is only a mile away, wouldn't require any travel, would start at more than I max out at my current position (about 10-15% higher) but itself tops out near 85k a year (sadly enough I would be making 85k a year now if I worked in the private sector). The Business Manager will be retiring in three years and they are looking for the Systems Accountant to hopefully step into his shoes so it would be a move up higher into that position if things worked out. I have audited them for three years (and I am the Health District Specialist for the State of Washington's Auditor Office) so I have worked with those people on a semi-regular basis. Also the duties they perform for the public are something I can believe in. In addition to providing health inspections, food handling permits, biohazard emergency response, CDC emergency programs, they also provide a lot of medical services to those to the poor. As a side note, if I do get this job I am going to probably have to get my CPA, which would be even more valuable in future job searches.

The disadvantages to that job is that I will be at the same place day in and day out (one of the reasons I enjoy auditing is I don't get in a rut). Although, I have discovered now that I have worked three years and three months at my current job, that even though I move around I am still in a rut. I would have to learn the other side of auditing (being the auditee not the auditor) and it would also mean I will be living in Everett indefinitely. It is not that Everett is bad, I actually like living here, but we were planning on moving to Portland in a couple of years.

Overall though I think its worth it, if I could make a bit more money I could take care of my parents better. We might even look for a house if I made a little bit more. If we got a house I think I could convince my parents to come live down with us in a separate mother-in-law suite so we could offset a lot of their bills. It would also be working for a cause I could believe in and once you get into a position like that, its easy to get jobs anywhere in local governments as a Finance Director.

I think part of my problem lately is that, I am a little disillusioned. Our office is meant to audit local and state government agencies, unfortunately lately my office has been concerned with "customer service" with those agencies and in my opinion has "softened" up on our reviews (and on some issues) in order to not rock the boat. With all the budget cuts I think there is a fear that the local governments may lobby the legislature to slash our ability to audit. This seems sort of counter to what we should be doing. Times are tough, and instead of lowering budgets, softening our responses I think this is the time we need to be reviewing to our fullest extent. This is the exact economic environment that would pressure local governments into doing things with their funds that are not allowed, to cut corners in violation of RCW (state law) and to perhaps take position on financial/RCW issues that are more "grey" in their interpretation. I am sure my disillusionment will lighten, but I am a little frustrated on some issues.

So that was earlier this week. For some reason all week I have been unable to sleep much, enough that even though I had yesterday off I was up at 3am (so was wife), but we ended up going to bed around 4am and slept until 9:30am. I then get a call at 1pm yesterday and my dad told me that my mom was in the hospital. Evidently last night her shoulder hurt so she took her nitro, then she woke up again hurting, took more nitro and did this three or four times. My dad asked her to go to the ER, but she was too embarrased to have the ambulances come up. So my dad took her in this morning.

She is fine now, they put another stent in, one of the stents from her original heart attack in 2005 was closing again and she is feeling better. My dad is pretty angry with her for not going in the night before and I doubt he will let her get away with it. So I found all of this out yesterday, was a bit stressed but calmed down and I got to spend a great afternoon with my wife. Last night I had a cider, but as every time I have a beer or cider before going to bed I had stressful dreams and I ended up not sleeping well. I am not meant to drink :)

So here I am, early morning and feeling tired. I may go visit my mom this afternoon (she is coming home today), maybe while we are up in Bellingham (if we go) we will stop by the Lynden Fair, we haven't been there in three years (actually four now that I think about it).

So overall I am having a stress reaction, but the wife is helping me battle it. I did a bit of meditation today and I feel a little better. I am starting working out again, that helps a little too. 

Edit: I am evidently tired so if my above post came out redundant, at least you know why.