worldoflucky: (Default)
I was thinking I need to post about my goals in 2017. I have been thinking a lot lately about my life. I have a great life, I am married to the greatest guy ever, 25 years this year! Everyone does their New Year Resolutions, so I guess I will put my goals out. These are just goals; the details will change as we go. They are kept vague so I can adjust and I don’t get frustrated too much, which will end up with me just quitting. Oh and no I am not going be a “better person” that stuff is bullshit. I am who I am, there is nothing wrong with me.

Physical Health: I will work on my health. Not by getting out there and losing a hundred pounds, working out three times a week, etc. We have seen that is hard for me to do that and I will put some attempt instead I want to focus on sleep. This is my single biggest problem. This is what I need to work on. I also am going to work on my current physical ailments and I aim to get all of them looked out in the first six months of the year.

Mental Health: I need to clear out distractions in my mind. The low-level anxiety that is spewed out by our news and social media. Don’t get me wrong, I am a social warrior white knight and that won’t change, but I need to take care of myself. I need to discard toxic people, toxic websites, toxic anything. I also think I am going to meditate more on my butsudan.
My actual butsadon at our old place.
My actual butsudan at our old place.

Time: The deaths of my parents last year were a wake-up call. I have less time in front of me probably then I do behind me. I have a lot of things that are spinning wheels. I don’t have a big plan on how to fix time, I just know I need to do it. Mostly I need time for myself, and this may help my mental health item above.

I have several things I want to explore that include writing, computer generated/3d art, photography, continuing my YouTube channels, roleplaying games, and video games. These items are my focus right now in various levels of pursuit. There are a lot of gaming like things I think I may drop though. As I work this out I will post more about it.


Relationships: Just to be with my wonderful husband as much as possible. Everything else is negotiable.


This isn’t a super in-depth list intentionally, I just want to do generalities, that way I don’t judge myself harshly if I do poorly, or to get a big head if it goes great. I think the one other big thing I want to do is just journal more here, and at the very least.
worldoflucky: (Default)
I realize it has been a long time since I have regularly posted. I had originally planned on 2016 being the year that I got into it again. Yet, it was actually the year of the dumpster fire.

Now that we are in the holidays, things have been a little sad, but I have an awesome husband who takes care of me. Things are picking back up, we are starting the slow tread back out of debt and I couldn’t be happier relationship wise.

I think I am going to try and post at least once a week. There have been many topics in last few weeks I wanted to go in depth with, but I think I let the depression get to me. If things work out, between now and January 1st I will have a wrapup post about everything in 2016 (as a cathartic event) and maybe a post on my goals in 2017 on what I want to accomplish. I don’t think I want to do them in the same post, no cross contamination please.

This week however was great. Hubby cooked me an awesome dinner comprising of the most tasty ham you could ever have, followed by mashed potatoes, glazed carrots and raisin bread. We still have a large store bought pumpkin pie today. This is on top of a previously wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and stuffing with misc things.

So overall the holidays are pretty awesome considering everything else.
worldoflucky: (Default)
Normally the holidays are a bit stressful from me. Usually my parents would be behind a rock and a hard place cash wise. I would have screaming nephews and nieces who need presents and my siblings are doing whatever they are doing. This doesn't even include the hubby and I's personal holiday celebrations. So stress during the holidays was normal (along with a huge cash hit).
Although the holidays can be great too.
Although the holidays can be great too.

Fast forward to this year and I found that it has been stressful last couple of weeks. My sleep pattern has shifted negatively (common during this time of year), and I know I have been raw emotionally in reacting to people. However it is different then previous years.
I am sure my sleep apnea doesn't help.
I am sure my sleep apnea doesn't help.

Today we went shopping for Thanksgiving for the first time after my parents passing. It's funny I will go for a bit of time without thinking about them now, but the shopping for Thanksgiving specifically brings back the awkward holidays. Fortunately the drinking ended years ago, but there was always a need for us to spend about $100 extra to feed the rest of the family. I didn't begrudge my parents, but the rest of the family was a little harder.

Combine this with the last minute requests from my mom was definitely always a stressful time in the holidays. Don't take it as something I hated, I loved holidays with my parents, even if we constantly threatened we weren't going to do it the next year. Last year we followed through on our threat and did something different. We had catered thanksgiving with just the hubby, myself and both parents and it was fantastic. Even dad said it was probably the best thanksgiving in a decade. Funny enough, it was also cheaper to cater it for four people than to provide just our portion of the overall homemade Thanksgiving dinner.

The hubby and I have always talked about what it would be like when the holidays were ours. It was always a far off thing, and even at the start of this year we assumed at least another four or five years before things happened. Well that wasn't how it progressed at and with both parents gone in six months we went from full family to a hard off. We have no intention on meeting with siblings and extended family (the deaths of both parents, but especially dad really tore some holes in those relationships).

The idea of just staying home, enjoying the hubby's food (and my baking of course) and just watching tv/playing video games was so entrancing. Especially during those years when we did both families and the nightmare of hubby's parents then to my parents.

So we were wandering around Winco shopping and I was struck with a weird sense of anxiety mixed with sadness. For the first time in a month I had stepped into the grocery store and pulled out my phone automatically as if I was going to call my parents and ask them what they needed for thanksgiving. I caught myself and went back to wandering the aisles with the hubby.
Hubby traversing the wilds of WInco.
Hubby traversing the wilds of WInco.

We wandered through the place, picked up a whole lot of groceries for thanksgiving. I wasn't necessarily sad, just more nostalgic that I wasn't picking up stuff for our old trip to Bellingham. We got to the cash register and it was almost $100 cheaper than we normally expect for holidays.

So we came away from Winco and I feel a little bad. I miss my parents and I assume my anxiety will get worse before it gets better. But I am really looking forward to just spending time with the hubby as well.
worldoflucky: (Default)
This is a cross post from my accidentally gay blog here:

Definitely check out Wolsey's post, he did a better job at this :).

I get it…


I mean, I always got what the whole Gay Pride thing in June was, and especially the Seattle Pride parade was about, but I think I finally get it. Before going to it yesterday I was happy that it happened, I was glad people could attend but when asked if I was interested I was usually “meh”.


However, after a close couple asked us to go (Wolsey and myself) we decided we would try. I still wasn’t sure at the time, I was in Denver all week, then on Saturday I was in Bellingham (over a hundred miles from my house) dealing with my father’s headstone purchase. I really wasn’t sure I would go. I thought maybe I would bail out at the last minute.

I am out!
Master of last minute bailing!

However, we had a good trip to Bellingham, woke up the next morning and both Wolsey and I’s normal shut in type personalities were not on. We were good with going so we went.

We showed up early, thanks to M. I really appreciate that M showed up hours early, got us a secure spot in the shade towards the end of the parade. There I met T, R and I along with my friends Vince and Lisa. There Wolsey and I set up with newly purchased camp chairs from Target, in the shade and waited.


The waiting was fun. We talked with our friends and newly met acquaintances and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. I still didn't really understand how this worked. Everyone was nice though, and there was a lot of glitter and bright colors. It reminded me of some of the white trash outings I had as a child.

Wolsey reflecting our white trash roots
Wolsey reflecting our white trash roots

I really couldn’t tell you what specifically changed with my experience. I was quiet at first, watching the parade go by. The happy people, both crowd and marchers was fantastic. The dancing was very uplifting, and the open acceptance was new. By the end of it I was cheering loudly for each group that went by. It didn’t matter if it was a small group of individuals who looked nervous, or a huge, corporate backed entourage. I felt I wanted to encourage everyone to come back next year.

Equality Scouts
Equality Scouts
Nice Wings
Love the wings!

"These aren't real honey", that was my favorite saying from the person talking to the little girl.

We did have an encounter with the “God Hates Fags” type people there. I think I will probably post on that separately in detail. However, suffice to say there were enough people who cordoned them off and kept them out of the way (proudly I was part of that). 

Douchebag didn't like his reception
Douchebag didn't like his reception

I was also happy to see the church people. I am personally a combination of deist/buddhist because I find so many unreconcilable issues. However, I felt I should especially welcome those religious people who come out to show their support for the LGBTQA community. I realize why a lot of people don’t give them an inch, I can understand that reasoning. I just believe things don’t change unless both sides can forgive and mend the bridges.

Supportive religious people.
Supportive religious people.

There was a sobering part of the parade on a personal level. A work friend of mine met up with us. They were chatting away and mentioned the “T” word in passing… Yes, in a group of people we were standing with, and which the friend knew there were transgender people, they uttered the T word in passing, as if they had a right to it.

I still really haven’t approached that situation. I know I need to speak to the person about it, but I am trying to figure out a way that won’t either leave me rolling over and tolerating it (Wolsey was so angry) or making my life a hell at work. I think I will just talk to the person and explain it is absolutely unacceptable and hope for the best.

The friend went off with their other friends for lunch and we went back to the parade, enjoying ourselves and while it took awhile to forget, the joyous celebration eventually made me so entranced I didn’t think much about it until it was over.

By the end of the parade I was yelling louder for those at the end of the parade. I found myself really irritated that everyone was leaving before it was over. It is that weird “momma bear” vibe I sometimes get. I really just wanted those people at the end to not feel like people got bored and moved on.


As the parade ended I found myself both disappointed it was over, and happy it happened. I found myself anticipating next year and that is when I finally realized it…

I get it…

worldoflucky: (Default)
Jello and myself on our way to WtNV

Yesterday was date night. Jello and I went to go see Welcome to Night Vale live production at the Neptune. I put up a gallery of the few photos I took here: Welcome to Night Vale.

First I have to say that the show was awesome, it was absolutely worth the time, and of course I enjoyed being with Jello the most.

The date started at Panera's (Jello's favorite place to eat at the moment). We had dinner while we chatted about stuff. We then rolled into Seattle and went through the "find a parking spot" ordeal. Of course this wasn't new to us, but it is always a headache.

The one thing I never understand about some people is their desire to take an hour to find free parking. Both Jello and I would rather pay for parking, know our car isn't sitting on the street waiting to get side swiped and not have to worry about it.

We had thought we got there too early. Both of us are anxious about being late to things so we ended up about two hours early (the show was at 7, we got there by 5).

Actually we lucked out, we got into line fairly quickly and pretty close to the front, within 30 minutes (still 90 minutes before the show and 30 minutes before the doors opened) the line wrapped a full block down and around the corner. We knew it would be popular, but that was more than expected.

Cecil being Cecil.

We got into the show and took a seat second row back. It was a little to the side, but honestly we had a great view. I won't talk much about the show, I don't want to ruin it for anyone who might want to get it from their store when its over, or if they are going to see it. I can say there are a couple of guests/actors from other shows that showed up for this one.


We got out about 8:30 and headed home. It was a nice drive home and we realized a few things.

  1. We loved going out. We definitely want to do more things like that.

  2. We will make sure to get to shows early from this point forward.

  3. Some people are rude in line and leave garbage on the sidewalk like little pigs.

  4. We are old, we don't like to stay up to late so we will try and hit early showings of shows.

  5. It doesn't matter what we do, we just enjoy being with each other.

Hopefully we will have a lot more date nights.

worldoflucky: (wet cat)
Its been a week since my last post. I can say my last week was fairly rough. It was combined with several unfortunate events, but capped off well. I will bullet point the details first:

My City audit I am wrapping up did not go so well (well it went fine for me, but they had several large problems that I had to write up Findings and Management Letters). Management in our office was harping on a new exit conference style, the harping wasn't helping my normal anxiety. I can say it didn't suck, but it wasn't my best public speaking. During this time the exit invitations to the Council were misplaced. This resulted in the Council not invited on time. So I had to call and apologize. It was a rough exit and I am glad it is over.

The Health District called, the business manager apologized but they went with someone with more experience. It is ok, I was expecting this although I was a little disappointed. He did tell me he would be happy to give me a reference, I may take him up on that if I find a job I like.

Politics at the office have picked up. It is probably best if I don't go into it.

The State of Washington just decided it has to cut an additional 23% from its discretionary budget. We already have had our cost of living frozen for three years (and contrary to what the government says, my costs have not declined, they still are going up, including a rent increase this month). We got a salary reduction this year and our health insurance has a 60% monthly increase in expenses. We aren't sure where the cuts are, but I am already making 35k less a year then people in my position in private industry and in other governmental entities.

I got to spend the weekend with my wife though. That makes up for everything. We ended up gaming on Saturday. We each ended up running each other our solo game. We then went to the Puyallup Fair yesterday. We had a lot of fun, saw the animals and successfully avoided the rides. Here is a picture of  [ profile] ethicalcannibal  [ profile] finnegwyn and myself.

Old Style Photo Shoot

It helped a lot to get me out of my funk at work. I am glad we went yesterday.

I am going to try and post more though, I think it also helps me to work things out by writing them out.


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